Relaxation Accomplished!

Did you miss me? I have been gone for THREE WHOLE DAYS!!! (Actually, to be super-precise, it is more like (approximately) 3 days, 8 hours, and 37 minutes.) And the good (great!) news is that...for part of those 3 days, 8 hours, and 37 minutes, I have been relaxing! I was particularly relaxed, if I may toot my own horn for a moment here, on Sunday, which, as you may recall, was my day that I pre-designated for Being and not Doing. Admittedly I had to get out of my apartment, leave my borough altogether, and travel two hours to a faraway land of B&B's and antiques to ensure that I would not check my email, but still, I did it...toot toot...

I had initially sort-of planned to spend the whole day detoxing from email, but when I returned to my apartment in the evening, I had to check. And then I rented a movie (Shopgirl - it's great! See it if you haven't already!) and made it through more than half of the movie before checking my email again. I even let myself watch one of the DVD extras. And yesterday I bought myself the newest issue of Oprah magazine. So as you can see this has been a week of relaxation and blissful indulgences for me.

But really. During and after my day of Being, my thoughts have been, I don't know, calmer, and quieter. This caused me to wonder (I am going to put it in quotes here so you can actually hear me wondering): "If I can let go of even a few of my stock worries, you know, those recurring ones that plague me daily, and then maybe additionally let go of a few extra-special circumstantial worries that I have cooked up for myself, in one day, one mere day of river views, wraparound porches, and a gazebo, imagine...(and here I go off into imagination land)...imagine the transformation I can have if I commit to this practice more." Maybe not the 1:1 Being to Doing ratio of my goals, but just...more.

This reminds me of something my coach said to me a few months ago: It's a lie. It's my favorite lie, but it's a lie nonetheless. And this is what it is: that once I have "It" (ideal job, perfect relationship, heaps of money, a better haircut, creative fulfillment, Pulitzer Prize(s), my plays on Broadway, my books on bestseller lists, maybe a couple of cute kids who sit peacefully at my feet as I compose the Great American Novel, understanding re: The Meaning of Life, some new clothes (including perhaps a super-cute sundress), a summer home on the beach, and oh, by-the-way, all my dreams and desires, then (and only then!) guess what? I will be happy. (And consequently, then I can relax.) Yeah. That's bullshit. It's bullshit that I have to keep consistently reminding myself of, but alas, still bullshit. This lie is what is underneath all of my manic, frantic Doing. This is, in short, The Great American Lie.

And the truth is: I can be happy now. If I want to. If I choose to. I can look around at my curly-hair-in-need-of-haircut, at my job and my relationships just as they are, at the gorgeous and refreshing Starbucks ice coffee by my side, and just, Smile. I can be proud of myself for what I've done and learned and accomplished and say to myself, (here I go again, talking to myself): "Self, you are doing a great job. You deserve a day off once in a while to do nothing but Be. Happily." And every-so-often, I do just that.

I tell myself the truth.

xoxo,

Jen G.

P.S. In the past few days, a couple of you have said that reading my blog is just like talking to me. Except without me actually, you know. There. So talk back if you want! I would love to hear what y'all have to say!

More xoxo,

Still Me.

P.P.S. Lest you fear that I have lost touch with the Old Me, I did partake in some serious Doing today to, you know, make up for lost time…